Monthly Archive for January, 2006
I just did something that I almost never do. I actually bothered to call my Mother and talk to her about problems in my personal life. You see, I've never been a person who wore their emotions (other than possibly anger) on their sleve. I've always tended to bottle things up or express myself badly and in ways that I don't intend. Tonight the woman who I'm planning on spending the rest of my life with broke things off. This was mostly just due to my normal behavior of not letting her see just how much I care for her or sticking my foot in my mouth and speaking without thinking about what I say. I don't know why I do this. I just know that I hate it. It might have just cost me something that I will never get over. See, I've been married before but looking back I knew from the start that it probably wouldn't work out. I've never had the slightest hesitation or wavering about that with Becky. In my mind she is the perfect fit for me: caring, geeky, lovable, beautiful, fun, sexy, thoughtful and all of the other things that I never can seem to be. I want to be them and I try to be them, god knows I try, but I always seem to come up just a bit short in her eyes. She has very high standards of how she should be treated, and rightly so. She deserves the world for all of the attention and love she has given me. And I return that 100%, just in my own way, which is hard for her to see. If only she was able to completely read my thoughts or see beyond my actions sometimes then she would truly know how much she means and the pedastal that she is on, but alas, she is not psychic and I have failed yet again.
So tonight I talked to my mother and even my sister for quite awhile. Trying to explain my feelings to them as I never could quite know how to explain them to Becky. And so they understand more than she does. How much of a travesty is that? My only hope is that she reads this, or takes time to collect her thoughts again about me, or decides to pick up the phone and call, or has a divine intervention that shines down the irrevocable truth. That she is the one and only true love for me and thank god I found her. Even if it meant that we were together for a short time on this earth, I was truly blessed and the better for it.
I just updated the site to include my blogroll. Previously I had just used the javascript blogroll feature from Bloglines. I use their service most of the time as my normal newsreader. It's pretty well featured and I can actually use it to read stuff at work or at Becky's place. I with it would be easier to sync a regular news reader with one of the online services. The newsreader program that I prefer is RSSBandit and they are working on this functionality, but it's still in the very early stages.
So now back to the links on this site. WordPress has a built-in blogroll feature and so I'm just going to use that on here. No use relying on other sites' information. If you can see this page, then you'll see the links. Nice and simple.
So Becca and I went over to Erica and Ray's house for a football party today. Lots of people and lots of good food. We had some crab meat that had been sitting in the fridge for awhile and I wanted to get rid of it. So last night I went to the Food Network's web site and found a recipe for hot crab dip. It turned out pretty well and was a hit. Erica ended up happy because the Redskins won and are now in the playoffs and I am happy as the Steelers did the same.
So next week it will be my Pittsburg Steelers traveling to Cinninatti to take on the Bengals. Should be a good game but I don't see any reason that my team won't come out on top in the end. I'll probably invite Ray and Erica over if the new baby hasn't come before then so that we can watch the games in hi-def.
